Letra de Lara Croft vs Indiana Jones - Epic Rap Battles of History

(Feat. Nice Peter, EpicLLOYD, Croix Provence)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Lara Croft versus

Indiana Jones!

*whip crack*

Let's get this battle crackin', I'll leave you like your reboot, flattened

You used to be the queen of booby trappin', what happened?

You got too woke to be fun

Now my Indianaconda don't want none

There's too many voices inside you

You burn through women quicker than I do!

I think you shoulda dropped Hollywood as an option

When even Angelina gave you up for adoption

Let's cut to the Chase; oh wait, he died

I guess you couldn't tap that X in time

From the Bandicoot to your family's plane in ashes

Kid, you've got a tragic history with crashes!

The puzzle I'm trying to beat

Is figuring out why you're dressed for the beach!

I've seen more class from the kids I teach

You can rise all you want, I'm still out of reach

So go grab your relics and run!

You verse me is sword verse gun!

Honey, just the first four notes of my theme exceed everything you've done

Dr. Jones, you're no rival

You've been getting owned since "give me the whip, throw me the idol"

Indianaconda? For heaven's sake

You'd shit those Dickies at a garter snake!

You stole your famous leather-daddy jacket and Stetson

From the cold dead hands of Charlton Heston

Some ladies mistake you for brave and hunky

But you're such a toxic date, you could kill a little monkey (Ah!)

Marion was 15 when you raided her bones

That's no time for love, Dr. Jones!

This is one temple that you'll never be exploring

You're not John Williams, so you ain't scoring!

Three decades in the game, and my fans still adore me

You tried alien skulls and chose poorly!

Your whole story got blown up on a sitcom

There's a Big Bang you can't hide in a fridge from!

Hang up the whip, before you crack a hip

I think even Mutt wants you to quit! (Just do it!)

I kill dinosaurs for fun, what's another old geezer?

I'll lock this battle up like Winston in the freezer!

Dinosaurs belong in a museum!

I've been served a full-course meal of chilled Indian voodoo

And they don't even kill as many animals as you do

You're corrupting the youth, they should be outside

Not trying to unload the barrels on your thighs

You might have ditched those pistols, akimbo

But you're still the same rich back-flipping bimbo!

A brat with a treasure map to catastrophe

Stuffing your knapsack with innocent casualties!

Square Enix didn't want you anymore!

That's why they dropped you like a J in the floor!

When they designed your core, they ripped my style

And jiggled in a bit of Girls Polygone Wild

You took 3D to uncharted territory

Now, you’re just in Uncharted’s territory!

Overshadowed by Drake like Lil Wayne

Somebody needs to make a tomb for your whole game!

If you wanna talk games, stick to Sorry!

That verse was worse than your crap on Atari!

Awww, Fedora the Explorer thinks he’s tough

You must’ve gotten dragged behind too many trucks!

So strap some blocks on Short Round and pump the brakes!

The only overshadowed thing is that face!

I’m whooping you so bad, I should get flagged for cheating

Like Mola Ram with a heart, Indy’s taking a beating!

I’m the first wet dream gamers ever had

You’re a Halloween costume for out of shape dads

Oop, my bad! Your dad was never present

At best the affection you got was sloppy seconds! (Ew)

You ditched your sidekick, never met your own kid

Cause his mum cut you off like a rope bridge!

You’re a dog Indiana, that’s facts!

The only thing you’re loyal to’s a hat, no cap! (Woof!)

Your face straight melted and you lost that smolder!

So make like a boulder, and roll your arse over!

'Cause Junior, the baby boomer, beating me at rapping?

That’s like my nude codes, never gonna happen!

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide!

Epic RRRRap Battles of History!

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