EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
HENRY FORD!
VERSUS!
KARL MARX!
BEGIN!
Mr. Motor City meets the menace in red
My lines are a production, your lines are bread!
Disassembling timepieces is how I got my start
Now watch me tear your ideology apart!
You scream unite the workers! Free the class slaves!
Lose your chains, trade 'em in for mass graves!
Mao and Stalin, wow! Appalling mounds of body bags
When a world leader likes you, that's a red flag!
I produce with my two hands! You're a destitute tramp!
Scheming to trade boot straps in for food stamps!
Any Prussian trying to seize my private property
Will catch a torque wrench to his private parts properly
Who takes advice from a broke slob? It's laughable!
I wouldn't wipe my tailpipe with your Das Krapital!
If you'd saved a penny for each daughter you named Jenny
You might notta needed to bury quite so many!
Who's that proud Young Hegelian heavy-drinking card carrying
Future thinking Lincoln letter inking proletarian?
It's Karl Marx! Prepare to be rhyme stomped!
I'm dropping you like Hitler dropped your name in Mein Kampf!
My concepts didn't cause mass graves, greed did
You'd get that from books, but you didn't read shit!
Your self-made man story's dung from a Taurus
Your daddy's two hands gave you a free farm and a forest!
You were the first of six kids 'til the seventh killed your mother
Maybe that's why you spied on your workers like Big Brother!
Your Model T total lack of style is killing me!
We can't take shit from you according to ability
Do what your first car can't and backup!
Beating me is like your city in Brazil, nuts!
Whew, don't step that close without some beard shampoo son
You lived in Cologne— look like you coulda used some!
I drip with style like a dipstick drips oil
You look as sick as your chronic dick boils!
I'm mass-producing abuse on a utopian hobo
I'm throwing you for loops like the F in my logo!
I gave men work! You brought nothing but harm
Take your bourgeois pig shit back to Animal Farm!
Yeesh! Your factory conditions were bleak!
Crammed with machines, cranking out four severed fingers a week
You controlled what employees could think, drink and eat!
And when they marched for better wages— shot them dead in the streets
In truth! What you produced was alienated working men
Who would clock into Detroit and lose themselves like Eminem!
And now your Great Lakes State ain't exactly a great sight
You were worse for Michigan than Flint's water pipes!
Uh! Your gripes about oppression don't leave me impressed!
You're not hot, Karl, that's just shit on your chest!
For a man who's stateless, you got an awful lot to say
I'll pay you five dollars a day to go away!
Your buddy Engels bankrolled you with his textile mills
I guess the Capitalists are cool when they're paying your bills!
You're a hypocrite, a nitwitted schlub with substance issues
Step off your soapbox, take the soap with you!
Look dummy, sharing money is the communist vision!
Engels' bank was the crank that got the revolution spinning!
We gave everything to see the common people advance
I'm so down with the cause I even pawned my own pants!
You grew so out of touch you sabotaged your only kid!
Edsel's stomach cancer showed more love than you did!
So congrats! Your legacy's in ashes!
Remembered as the fascist sympathizing cause of climate change and car crashes!
From your newspaper to your Nazi factory across the pond
Frankly Hank it's clear Auschwitz side you were on!
This battle's been a blowout like that hemorrhage in your head
I'll leave a Ford as expected: found on road dead!
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EEEEE-EPIC RAP (Rap rap)
BATTLES (Battles)
OF! HISTORY!